remembering 9/11

five years ago, i woke up and started getting ready for an early morning class. it was my first semester of seminary (although i dropped out for a year and a half after this class). i was taking an introductory greek class, and we were in the first few weeks of class.

so, i woke up, jumped in the shower, and was listening to the radio. there was so much confusion as to what had happened at that time, and the reports seemed to indicate some sort of accident. both planes had already hit the tower by the time i was awake (6:00 a.m. west coast 2nd plane hit, not me getting up) but it was unclear as to what had happened. heather was getting ready for work, and she was telling me about something happening. the accounts were leaning less towards accident and more towards attack. as i got dressed, i turned on the tv. it was all so sureal watching the footage of the planes crash into the tower. and then their was footage of the pentagon fires. and then i watched the towers fall. so bizarre, so amazing, so stunning.

what do you do now? do i not go to class, or work later? i went over to the seminary, but was very distracted. several of us students were down in the lounge, watching coverage, trying to learn anything we could about what was going on. sifting through the information as well as the misinformation. and then, one of the oddest things, having our prof corral us for class. and some students were like, "what? you're going to have class?" but we went. and really, watching the tv wouldn't have changed anything.

that semester, i was also teaching as adjunct faculty over at the college. i had two painting classes and a drawing/design class. and i taught those classes after the tragedy. and i remember discussing it with students over the next few days, and just wanting things to normalize again. i couldn't take the rehashing of the footage.

but, although i was bothered by the attacks, i wasn't outraged. and i didn't feel any deeper sense of patriotism. and, being in fresno, i wasn't worried that we could be next (even if local news speculated how we could be due to our ag). it's not that i didn't care. i was sad that many people died. and, i hoped for survivors to be found, for miraculous stories. i knew that there was no way we wouldn't respond with military action. but, i just didn't feel all that much. when we visited n.y. after, saw ground zero and the whole area, it still didn't affect me.

i think it was about three or four years later, i watched a special that recounted the whole event. it interviewed survivors, family members of those who were lost, others involved. and it crushed me.

today, i hope we all remember those that were lost. let us mourn those who died here, but also those that have died worldwide in terrorist attacks and in war since 9/11. and, i hope that we're infuriated with politicians on both sides when they use such tragic events for political gain. let us not live in fear, but in freedom.