VMA recap

so, i forgot that the vma's were on tonight, sorta. i was getting ready to watch the train wreck that is rock of love on vh1 when i was reminded that we would not be watching rock of love because the vma's were on. so, with about fifteen minutes of pre-show remaining we flipped it on. what follows below is my running diary. i'll try to keep each update brief. i'll also compare to my picks.

8:48 -paris hilton is there. and, sheesh not using the baby voice. good for you.
8:51 -panic at the disco is there. surprisingly, they're not all decked out in make up. maybe they're trying to distance themselves from the vaudeville scene. but, 3 out of 4 are wearing little girl jeans.
8:56 -john norris has his makeup on though. nice eyeliner buddy.
8:59 -n'syncin park, err, linkin park is there. 2 of 4 have faux hawks. that's so 4 years ago.

9 - britney spears kicks the show off with a lip synched number. really, she didn't even have a microphone to pretend. okay, she did, but there's no way she was singing. she looked a step slow on most of the dance moves. brooke hogan called and she wants her look and crappy dance moves back.

9:04 - sarah silverman appears. and holy ish did she talk mess about britney. but overall and underwhelming opening monologue.

9:08 - alicia keys says "on blast." and she explained how there a 4 different parties going on during the show. so, it's like we're there.

9:11 - eve & some chick i didn't recognize (turns out she's a pussycat doll) gave out the award for monster single of the year. winner: rihanna - umbrella. i'm 1 for 1 so far.

9:21 - the cops from superbad talk about voting for best new artist. we're watching a replay on the west coast, so, they'll be no voting for us. well, is it taped? i mean, i can't imagine that it started @ midnight eastern, even if it is being done @ the palms in las vegas. which i've been to, not like you care.

9:23- robin thicke & jennifer hudson present the quadruple threat award. justin timberlake wins. i thought kanye would. in his speech j.timberbox challenges mtv to play more videos. i'm 1 for 2 so far.

9:25 - fat old boy, i mean fall out boy plays thnks 4 tha mmrs, which i'm told means thanks for the memories, live.

9:30 - foo fighters do a song, they're not nominated for anything. but, pat smear is playing with them, which we were shocked about because he left the band a few years back.

9:33 - kanye west and 50 (fitty) cent present the award for earth shattering collabo to beyonce & shakira - beautiful liar. 1/3 now. j.timberpool was robbed.

9:43 - chris brown performs. like charlie chaplin. i mean, he was dressed like it, and danced about while he pretend to sing. just like the before the talkies. and it mixed into rihanna's song.
(let me interject that kelly sweet, an artist i've never heard of, has an album coming out on a music sales website i've never heard of. and she does a cover of aerosmith's dream on. that's probably a bad idea.)

9:56 - three of the girls from the hills come out and give the award for the male artist of the year to...justine timberlake. and timbaland comes out with him. 2/4. when they showed him earlier in his "party" and t.i. was rapping he looked very, um, uncomfortable. and alone in a crowd. now he tells mtv to play more videos again, not the simpons or reality tv. kinda funny that some pseudo-reality "stars" gave him that award. maybe even ironic (doncha think?). 2/4.

10:06 - shia lebeouf announces the winner for female artist of the year. damn. damn. i said anybody but fergie. and she does. if this were an important awards show i'd be pissed. wha? there's no such thing as that? 2/5. really, i had a 80% chance of picking this one by anyone but fergie and failed. this may not bode well for my upcoming vegas trip.

10:18 - megan fox (from transformers) introduce a show @ rain, which is supposed to be some never been done thing. it's timbaland. and linkin park. not really sure how this has never been done. unless they just mean at this venue.

10:23 - two of the guys from entourage present the vma for best group. fall out boy. i want to punch myself in the face. 2/6. and they say big ups several times.

10:25 serj tankian is sitting in w/the foo's. earlier they had c-lo. that would have been a cool room to hang out and see performances in.

10:33 - nelly introduces alicia keys. and, the only thing he can say, repeatedly, is that she's lovely and talented. genius. he should be in p.r. keys was aight, but she morphed her song into george michael's freedom (aka freedom 90), which was a cool little throwback.

10:44 - jamie foxx and jennifer garner come out and jamie talks about a fight between kid rock and tommy lee, and about white folks acting like black folks. really, he joked about white guys acting like black guys by fighting. and he asks some guy in the crowd who won they fight and the guy starts shouting something. i guess there may have been a fight. but, these two are actually entertaining on stage. and plug their movie the kingdom at least 4 times. then they announce best new artist. but not before plugging the kingdom again. and j.garner calls them gym class fallout. that's funny, too. it almost makes me feel alright about being 2/7 on picks right now.

there's only 10 minutes left in the schedule and we're going to a commercial break. and we still haven't announced: choreography, director, editing, vid of year. this doesn't look good for ending on time.

10:56 - mary j. blige somewhat incoherently introduces dr. dre. i'm not sure why. she doesn't say if he won something or is being honored. but dre looks like he's been lifting some weights and is quite yoked. dre gives out the award for video of the year. rihanna. i forgot to make a pick on this one, but probably would have gone with one justin - dance or justin timberlake's - what goes around. 2/8.

11:00 - puff daddy, puffy, p.diddy, diddy, doodle, whatever his name is announces that he was supposed to be there with kid rock but since he's not there, young joc is. and we need to stop white on white violence. and violence in rock music.

11:04 - diddy (sean combs) announces the next performance featuring nelly furtado, timbaland, justin timberlake, and some others.

11:11 - the show is over. huh? did you forget something? or 3 somethings?

what have i learned from this awards show? justin timberlake likes to beatbox and wants more videos on mtv. the official title of the next indiana jones movie is indiana jones and the kingdom of the crystal skull. they must tell the winners beforehand because only 1 winner wasn't there and i'm glad fergie wasn't. the kingdom comes out soon. the kingdom comes out soon. kid rock and tommy lee got in a fight over pam anderson, their mutual ex. mtv cares so little about best director, best editor and best choreography that they didn't even show the awards even thought they only give away a total of 11 awards. oh yeah, and britney's career may be officially dead (or it should be based on that terrible "performance").