vma 2007

so, next sunday, september 9th is the latest round of mtv's video music awards. now, i'll be honest, i don't watch mtv anymore. heather does though. well, to be honest, it's not mtv, because then we would have to be watching the hills, real world, or some other non-video television. heather watches mtv hits and mtv jams. me, i watch videos occasionally while she watches. then i get tired of seeing the same videos
over and over. but anyway, back to the purpose of this post. next week is the vma's and i thought i would try and pick the winners, or at least let you know who i thought should win.

best group:
-fall out boy - mainstream emo, all polished and shiny. let me give this analogy: f.o.b. = emo as good charlotte = punk.
-gym class heroes - it's fall out boy with a hip hop feel. this band is pretty much doing the puffy. that is, taking the hook from 80's hits, barely making any changes, and calling them their own
-lincoln park - so, every time i hear the song 'what i've done' i think to myself, what you've done is put out a mediocre song. fort minor was an interesting side project though.
-maroon five - your mom and dad think these maroon five kids really make nice music.
-the white stripes. - a lot of people i know love, and i mean, love this album. i've only heard a little, but enjoyed the song.

please, lord, let it be the white stripes. i haven't heard more than a lick or two off their new album but i guarantee it's better than the other four.

best new artist
-lily allen - brit pop singer trying to make it big here. it is what it is, unashamed popiness. but, i'll give you that some of the lyrics on this album are deeper than they seem
-gym class heroes - see above review of this group
-peter bjorn & john - i like pete yorn. peter bjorn & john are getting by on a jetta (or whatever car) commercial. you can file them under: whatever happened to _____.
-carrie underwood - maybe she's best new american idol winner, but she's not great. well, she's decent at making this new country garbage about breaking the headlights on your ex's truck, but whatever. she's also good at getting linked in rumors to pro football players.
-amy winehouse - they tried to make me go to rehab, i said 'no, no no.' how's that working out for you amy? take some advice. go to rehab. you've got a nice voice that you're only going to trash with your crazy lifestyle. get help so we can enjoy music from you in the future.

i'm going with the poppy lily allen here. i have the albums from both of the english birds in this category, and lily's is better. amy winehouse's has a nice-retro motown feel and is good, but it also seems a bit boring.

female artist of the year
-beyonce - she just played in fresno. i didn't go. her mom needs to make her some better outfits because the ones she does are u-g-l-y. and beyonce needs to make some songs that don't all sound the same.
-fergie - fergie yoko'd the black eyed peas, imho. sure, they haven't broken up, but they went from being a decent hip hop act to will.i.am and fergie + 2 other guys in the background putting out rip off songs. awesome. and her solo music is a hobo's gwen stefani album.
-nelly furtado - remember her early stuff. it was light, but it was also hip hop. her new stuff, just dance pop. which is alright. it's fine to change up your style. but, it seems that this album relies a bit too much on timbaland.
-rihanna - i've heard one song (not the one nominated below) and it was like they were trying to pass rihanna as some sort of pseudo rock act. it wasn't convincing or good. and, to me, if you're going to be female artist of the year you probably should have had more than one "hit".
-amy winehouse - see above thoughts on ol' wino + the hit thing in my rihanna review.

of these, beyonce will win. i don't know if she's the "artist" of the year, but she's good. i like nelly furtado's recent stuff, as well as winehouse's. i implore the mtv decision makers to let this be anyone but fergie.

male artist of the year
-akon - i only know akon's old song. so, it's obvious i don't listen to mainstream radio because he's had 3 #1 hits this year.
-robin thicke - alan's son. he's apparently sexy.
-t.i. - his current album has a t.i. verses himself theme to it. so, my take is, crappy rap vs. crappy rap. and crappy rap wins in a landslide.
-justin timberlake - michael jackson used to be way better than j.timberlake could ever be. but, this is decent pop.
-kanye west - "george bush hates black people." kanye's always got interesting quotes. sadly, i think his stuff still is mainly boring. so, you speed up records from the 70's and early 80's? wow. your new song is basically a daft punk one that you rap on? wow.

i'll be honest, i'm not sure how kanye is nominated. did he have an album out this year? his comes out next week. akon and t.i. suck, especially t.i. robin thicke's earlier stuff was nice, neo-soul sounding stuff and he looked dirty. now he's all polished, whatever. i'm picking j.timberlake.

monster single of the year
-daughtry - home - i remember seeing clips of this poseur from am.idol. he's sucks as a supposed "rocker"
-fall out boy - thnks 4 th mmrs - does that mean thanks for the mammary?
-avril lavigne - girlfriend - this song is terrible and it's shameful that anyone would think this pop punk dribble would inspire anything.
-lil mama - lip gloss - heather says that at least this song seems age appropriate. i say it's not good. lil mama also did a remake of girlfriend with avril lavigne.
-mims - this is why i'm hot - you're hot because people have bad taste in music. crap is pushed out by the industry all the time and you're a good example of the garbage that sells.
-plain white t's - hey there delilah - ooh, it's emo acoustic. played a million times.
-rihanna feat jay z - umbrella - i'll admit, i've never heard this song. and i'm not going to play the video now to find out. (update, i watched the video because it was nominated for best video. not bad, just not that great either.)
-shop boyz - party like a rock star - hmmm, see my criticism of mims? now, multiply that by ten for this one.
-t-pain feat. yung joc - buy u a drank - this song is boring. it tries to have a snappy anthem but fails, just seems to be a rehash of cliches from other songs of this ilk.
-timbaland feat keri hilson, d.o.e. & sebastien - the way i are - what's up with the title of this song. i are? tim, i know you speak better english than that. this song reminds me of the stuff he's done with nelly furtado. except this doesn't have nelly furtado. average timbaland stuff. and the video confuses me because there are guys inexplicably juggling a soccer ball. and, the song, well it says the way you are a lot. huh?

i'll go with rihanna because...well, because i think these all are pretty bad. so, why not pick the one that hasn't bothered me?

most earth shattering collaboration
-akon feat eminem - smack that -
-beyonce feat shakira - beautiful liar -
-gwen stefani feat akon - the sweet escape -
-justin timberlake feat timbaland - taking sexy back - i'm not really all that sure how this is a collabo. i mean, timbaland is the producer and raps a little. it's pretty much just a timberlake song.
-u2 feat green day - the saints are coming - u2 & green day make a song for new orleans. and the video is supposed to be inspiring. in my opinion, it's a mediocre song.

to me, this category comes down to the last two, mainly because i haven't heard the first three songs. but, timberlake's song was so overwhelming in the public consciousness that it will win. i mean, which of us out there haven't claimed that we were talking sexy back? blame justin.

quadruple threat of the year
-beyonce - singer, actress, clothing line. that's only three that mtv gives you. i'll throw in dancer because i hear you do that @ your shows. and fall down stairs.
-bono - singer, activist...that's only two. i'll throw in speaker to politicians and...?http://www2.blogger.com/img/gl.link.gif
-jay z - rapper, ceo(?) of rockafeller & def jam records (whatever that means), part of ownership group of nba team, clothing line, nightclub.
-justin timberlake - singer, dancer, actor, restraunteur. and you date "hot chicks".
-kanye west - rapper, producer, clothing line, and they say you started your own foundation. and are anti-homophobia in hip hop. and, your big mouth & ego definitely make you a threat.

i want to go with bono, because it seems like he's really trying to make a difference in the world. but, i think kanye wins it. then again, maybe mtv picks bono just so he can show up and say something about aids, poverty and africa.

video of the year
-beyonce - irreplaceable - in this video beyonce throws out her man. that's a new concept. wait, no it's not. at least it's not just some remake of a movie.
-justin - d.a.n.c.e. - t-shirt art. well done. average song, but the video stands out.
-rihanna feat jay z - umbrella -this video is boring as all get out. the concept seems to be rihanna moving around mostly by herself on a sound stage. and some water effects thrown in. and the video is supposed to be sexy because rihanna is barely dressed in it.
-justin timberlake - what goes around...comes around - hey, a video actually with a storyline. wow! it's almost 9 minutes long, but it's decent. well made, good visuals. and, the story of the video works well with the theme of the song (novel idea these days it seems.) and timberlake as a "tough guy" is a crack up, so there's a bonus.
-kanye west - stronger - kanye makes a futuristic video that seems to be set in japan. but, there are no japanese people there. and, i guess, in the video kanye is crazy. well, he's crazy boring at least. kanye is good at saying names of brands though.
-amy winehouse - rehab - this song is catchy. the song did get me to buy the album, which was worth the purchase price. but if you ever see her perform, she looks half awake. little entertainment value here. the video is almost interesting, but then again, it's not.

best choreography
-beyonce feat shakira - beautiful liar - a lot of posing about and shoulder shakes from two ladies known as good dancers. and whipping hair around. the last minute offers a bit of choreographed dance but not very impressive stuff.
-chris brown - wall to wall - i don't like chris brown. but, i know he's a good dancer. this video has: vampires, little kid versions of chris brown dancing along with him, big group dancing.
-ciara- like a boy - ciara's first album produced a lot of internet rumors that she was a post-op transexual. in this video, she dresses as both a man and a woman. and i think that's reggie bush in the video. pretty good solo & group dancing.
-eve - tambourine - the video is visually cool, especially the use of color. and, the song is enjoyable. the choreography is minimal and isn't that interesting.
-justin timberlake - my love - justin nods his head. justin snaps his fingers. justin dances by himself and with a group. t.i. shows up and waves his hand about and pops his collar.

to me, this category is kinda stupid. you're judging how well the dance routines in a music video are. the timberlake, c.brown and ciara entries here a way ahead of the other two in the category. i'm picking ciara's as the best.

best director
-christina aguilara - candyman - christina in full pin up mode. not sure what was directed here. now you're a pin up from this era. now this era.
-beyonce feat shakira - beautiful liar - not sure what was actually directed here. you two, dance around a little.
-kanye west - stronger - kanye, act crazy. well done. now, stand there and rap. move your head back and forth.
-lincoln park - what i've done - band, play the song. you, jump into the air. cue clips of hitler. cue clips of world destruction. show the band. more clips.
-rihanna feat jay z - umbrella - not sure what was the direction here. dance around by yourself with an umbrella. sit there naked painted gold.
-justin timberlake - what goes around...comes around - since this video actually has a storyline to it, it has a bit more direction. justin, steal this girl away. now, make out. we see you're devoted to her, but you've got doubts. have your friend watch her. find them making out. now, act tough. chase after her. look devastated. good.

uhh, i'll go with justin timberlakes entry.

best editing.
-beyonce + shakira - beautiful liar
-gnarls barkley - smiley faces
-lincoln park - what i've done
-justin timberlake - what goes around comes around
-kanye west - stronger

you thought i didn't care about the last category. i care even less about this one. really, how well did you put the video together is a category? i'm not even going to break these videos down, and will just pick the gnarls barkley song because it's not nominated for anything else.

so, there it is. the mtv music video awards has 9 categories. and the show will take at least 3 hours. i suppose i'll watch some of it. maybe i'll torture myself, and you, with a running diary.