Wednesday, June 02, 2010

city council candidate fail

this was stuffed into my door today:

yeah, i know, you can't really read that. so, i'll type it up for you:
"lawrence cano
fresno city council, district 1 candidate

i am running as an independent because fresno needs a change. my decisions will be based on the important issues for the voters not for certain parties. i received my bachelo9r of science degree in business administration from sacramento state university after i graduated from fresno city college and fresno high school. along with a good decision making ability, i am highly organized and confident of my skills and believe i am a viable candidate for this position. we need change to bring jobs to build fresno's future.

my slogan is strength, hope and honesty
issues i will fight for:
1. your children: recreational centers should be constructed so children have a safe place to go and learn.
2. schools and neighborhoods: rebuild schools in our district and create jobs. reduce crime. fix streets and clean up neighborhoods.
3. teachers: hire teachers who care and have a passion for teaching and i will implement random drug testing for all school district employees. enforcement: i will make sure that they do their job correctly and fairly. use traffic fine revenue for more police officers.
5. safety: accidents are growing and more deaths occurring. this is due to cell phones, not paying attention and speeding. we must increase the fines for cell phones to $250. this type of nonsense must stop.
6. tax breaks: give residents $250 tax break if they switch from cable to dish network. cost is high and taxpayers deserve a break.
7. jobs: ban cell phones at places of employment to increase productivity.
8. granite park: given the opportunity i can make granite park a successful place, for the community, the residents and most of all for the city of fresno.

as your city councilman i will not wait for the last year of my term to start doing things for our district. i will not use this tactic to get re-elected. i believe in being voted in by the people so i will work for the people. change is good.

lawrence cano, district 1 candidate."

and then, hand written, "sorry i missed u."

so, let me break this down. the whole opening really has the feel of a resume, and a cheesy one at that. it's like something i would've written in college.

to his 8 points (btw, who has an 8 point agenda? what, couldn't make 10?)
1. okay, fine.
2. hmm, building schools is the districts job, not the city's. know your role homie. and i like that he's going to reduce crime. two words accomplishes a job.
3. hey, once again, you don't know your job. hiring teachers is the job of the district, not the city. and frankly, i'm very offended that he assumes that the current teachers don't care or have a passion for teaching. seriously.
4. okay. aren't we already using traffic revenue to fund city expenses, like officers?
5. blaming cell phones for increases in deaths? come on. and isn't the fine for use while driving set by the state, not the city? once again, know your role.
6. wtf? tax breaks for satellite over cable? and do i get the break every year? do i get it since i already have satellite? does it only count if i use dish network like his plan says?
7. ban cell phones at work? huh? how the eff is the city going to ban cell phones at work? how do you enforce that? and really, how does banning cell phones help jobs? yes, it may make people more productive. how many people really talk on the phone at work while they're not on a break? and this plan doesn't do anything to create jobs.
8. how? and why is this the job of the city, instead of a private investor?

i love that he has a email address. really? you couldn't get your own domain? that is pathetic. and you couldn't even get just your name. you had to have your last name, then first, and 64. weak sauce.

"sorry i missed u." what, are you twelve? did you text or tweet me that message? it's spelled y o u.

"" um, should i just hit up facebook? or did you want to direct me to your page?

wow, i'm glad i did miss this "candidate." if i had talked to him i would've clowned on him for his wack platform. the funny thing is, i was at home. i didn't hear any knocks on the door (i did have headphones on for like 8 minutes this afternoon, and it's hard to believe that he came by in that 8 minutes).


Jay Parks said...

Bwahahahaha! I got the same flier.

blake said...

dang. I knew it. Johnny can't read cuz all the teachers are doing drugs.

Adam said...


So ridiculous. I kinda wish I had gotten one just to see the failure up close and personal. Alas, we live in District 3.