so, it's been about a year. a year since what you say? well, since i graduated from seminary. i went to seminary to really figure out what i wanted to do next in life. i also needed space to really weigh options while i furthered my education.
so, did i figure out what i want to do? sure. am i convinced that this is what i'll be doing for any substantial point in my life? not at all.
now, i don't feel like i'm on a road to nowhere. i've definitely got irons in the fire (speaking of irons, today is a golf tourney i usually play in. but not this year. it's been so long since i've had the clubs out. dang. need to at least get to a driving range or something. back to the story.) see, i'm teaching this weekend. which is a great thing. in fact, it's what i really want to do, teach @ the university level. throw in working with track athletes and it's pretty much where i hoped to be.
i guess i get the point where i feel like i'm spinning my wheels is that both of those previous two things are very part time. then, you mix in another part time teaching job. so, i'm busy doing things, as illustrated by recent posts. but it doesn't feel like i'm moving towards a goal. i don't have graduation or adulthood to look forward to, although i'm not sure i've ever really reached that latter one.
when i look @ it, i think i am moving forward. i have my foot in the door like i hoped, and am still hoping it leads to further opportunities to teach, and work. but, the whole part time nature still leaves you up in the air, thinking, "i hope i'm working next term." there are no guarantees, and looking @ my next term @ the j.c. level, no classes. that's only five weeks off, and i know that i will be subbing a 40 hour week in there, so it's really only four weeks of potentially not working. but, i won't know for another month or three if i've got any classes @ the university.
then, mix in working with a church. now, i'm not in any sort of vocational position or opportunity right now. but, i have had a chance recently to speak more, be more involved in the things we're doing right now, to give some more leadership. and you, it feels good. it feels right at points. but it's not anywhere close to a job, and i'm pretty sure that it shouldn't be.
i don't know where i'm going with all this. i know that it's saturday morning @ 7:45 a.m., and i've got to finish getting ready for my class today. 8:30 start. looks like we'll do a working lunch, and stuff never quite goes as long as it should, so i hope to be done by 4 at the latest (if not maybe 3:30!). this class is interesting for many reasons, and one is that i'm team teaching it with the dean of my department. no pressure like working with the guy that controls your job.
anyhow, thanks for letting me throw this all out there. wait a minute, why am i thanking you? this is my blog. shoot, you should thank me for giving you all insight into what i'm thinking.
wink wink
5 comments:
You desere better than comment spam for that kind of soul-baring. I'm listening, Ed, and I feel your pain. Uncertainty. It's a biotch.
ha ha, i deleted that comment now.
I'm not commenting to do much more than say, "Yup." You know what you're doing and if you're ever unhappy with what you're doing, I trust you'll do something about it.
Oh, and thanks for the insight.
yeah, not too much really for people to comment on.
and, i do hope it doesn't read like i'm unhappy with what i'm doing. although, it's weird being back in the working career thing (sort of). you, know, when you're in school, you're moving towards a goal (education & career). now, that i'm done with school for now, i'm just working. and, my goal is still to get into the career i want. which will probably mean more school @ some point. but, whatever.
No, it doesn't read like unhappiness. It reads more like, you're at that point where all the arbitrary structure of our youth falls away and you're on your own. I don't think anyone should be unhappy about that.
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